Margarita Bahadova

Saved 3/18/19 10:46 AM to psychology

ЛАБКОВСКИЙ - КАК ПРАВИЛЬНО ВЫБРАТЬ ПАРТНЕРА ДЛЯ ЖИЗНИ

ЛАБКОВСКИЙ - КАК ПРАВИЛЬНО ВЫБРАТЬ ПАРТНЕРА ДЛЯ ЖИЗНИ  See details »

 
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  • 00:00: [music] adult programs adults with Michael Labkovsky michael good evening quit u today We are the topic of choosing a partner and this first a common question from liz exists whether there is or not your people and your or we ourselves are looking for something to find fault with partner as we are drawn to neurotic relationships but unfortunately when the relation is neurotic then your is it any partner who makes you suffer to suffer who offends
  • 00:32: humiliates you the one that disappears does not call the one behind which you run and so on it a man who, as it were, takes out you have these childhood experiences and you for it you love it in that sense of course it is yours I will tell you many more in unsuccessful relationship see a partner a problem not at all with him to the left so with you
  • 01:02: because you choose we are yours parents he is not your reality is yours choice unfortunately people don't understand it and I think that well, no matter how lucky he is you can always drop by when you feel uncomfortable for you bad but neurosis is such a problem which not only does not jump off and you there let even go deeper because this man makes you worry these suffering precisely because of this him and
  • 01:32: rosette lover in one of the gears and said that the choice when choosing a partner no leadership first feelings that passes and think head as he suits you suitable then the marriage will be strong another You advised the transfer not to choose by principle partners will solve my problems but We are looking for partners that can not to be without him is possible to live together talk to have children more solve material problems effectively will be more resilient social psychological so forth live
  • 02:03: alone without children without children is not enough resilient material social this is a problem please explain that means and solve their problems by partner which means when choosing a partner interfere feelings and how to satisfy your request on any without harm to the fortress relations nightmare at first they poles i said but everything is young when was idiot so i say that I usually choose a partner with my head don't like such homework ideas sometime in youth was wrong from rosette to
  • 02:35: rosette was wrong now what ranked rosette this is flawed disability regards namely write without partners you can not have children though I can tell you this in confidence give birth to children from someone and further to raise a child herself a woman can she needs a man just for this process further it can not be you me
  • 03:06: need what is next written material what u her problems there talk and not children more effectively solve material tasks be more sustainable special psychologically, that is, it turns out that Outlet Unfortunately, most women the hero of the neurotic sees in men there was such an anecdote Jewish wife not luxury a means of transportation Soviet times it was possible to go to the USSR marrying a Jewish woman you know for sure
  • 03:36: also condemns Rosetta hours that the man is not a luxury but apparently also a means of achieving goals why I feel wrong financially yes i'm getting married already I feel confident bored with I'm getting married already talk and so all friends here are not it was but so on I think that an attitude where people just solve problems this is not about love is not about romantic is not
  • 04:06: about happiness is about what i have some bunch of problems set of problems Generally any problems and the most something I do not want to solve them but on the hardness overheat but it does matter when there is the man is already getting somehow easier but this approach is intelligence yes but all mine the question was there were very long letters so I do not even remember the question please what it means to solve your problems at the expense of the partner and what it means
  • 04:36: when choosing a partner interferes with feelings and how satisfy your request for any without harm to the strength of the relationship in order to satisfy your request try the camera to see what of this will turn out now I watch the camera to satisfy your request I feel uncomfortable speaking looking at the camera I I will watch you in order Satisfy your request and love someone first we need to beat ourselves just so for nothing only the person who
  • 05:07: may not love himself for his achievements not for their ambitions not for their status and other virtues but simply so he well he loves himself because he is he them others will also treat it will just love other people for nothing and what rosette writes she tries in some way how can i misinterpret the owl its length cannot be reproduced by memory as if this is not needed for this
  • 05:37: for this yes and as if because of this that i I will love because he gives me conversations he gives me apparently the stability of the material children and so further and as if in aggregate what he doesn't give I answer him with love well, probably so I can not understand this of course Katya if it will formalize our feelings yes then you can just guys say I I love him because he gives me
  • 06:09: colon and further list probably it so you don't think so when you try to rationalize their emotions as if trying to formalize it understand and what am i to it feels and why am i feeling this to him in fact, he just touches you you like you feel the need in communicating with him is enough and what but there are some things behind it there you are comfortable or uncomfortable big
  • 06:40: analyze and so on but I consider that only the first feeling should be but no matter on what is an emotion unconscious not understood we do not formulate feel here the notes at school fell in love maybe that's right and scales like his skill you start to feel yes you don't think I worry because I feel that when we finish school and for example
  • 07:11: get married he stabilizes go real situation i will be with him no one talks like that right here save this baby feeling even if she's well there I go for wrong yes anyway you know in one of the announcements my lecture was written what life gives you those people whom you want to about which you need but you can don't like here in this sense we get those
  • 07:41: partners in which we experience need even neurotic but it gives me here coincides with ours rational ideas but you you know, we experience these feelings main nor incomparable truth and Th you you will sit boring burn out let's the left line will write watering the garden right and write a cons night with this happiness nothing to do and mirrors the quality of course Colbert eggs was tooth voice heart or lose marina
  • 08:13: lately an increasing number of people when building a relationship with a partner put up personal life for everyone I mean a review from a social network from first dates to intimate details of the family of which status photos can be lay down a detailed biography of a person sometimes even the bride and the groom put photos of the registry office in the social network immediately after registration of marriage in your opinion what is the motivation of these actions and does that mean their openness to the world good question you think our unexpected
  • 08:43: time shows and here is something on facebook you like to mess around with facebook fled social and in some love not just wondering where my youth is at g VKontakte VKontakte VKontakte is already the opinion is called where actually everything all and display as see let's divide it means 1 categories of people they sociable and here they are as written open to the world and they already have there
  • 09:13: will the desire to share your life from all there is another category of people not sure of themselves they show photos about how they have everything great and cool because you need confirmation and approval of other people even including the feeling of envy which strengthens their position within themselves that is when they get these famous what huskies right they feel herself on a horse I'll tell you more but at
  • 09:44: We in lecture hall direct speech there is such wonderful woman name is Polina sanaeva she chic writes a plan coming up there slogans for us here are the pictures You told that from strange when people choose partners they must be from beautiful pick they scary picks 1 the picture is wearing her peony ugly so knives us speaking
  • 10:15: woman up to jeans and i'm straight hugging here so here is naked john lennon so filmed great she lies on her back a here's the side and he's right here dates adores it can be seen from the photo he is right here all her but It was a topic about choice partner just about what we think what's the most beautiful get all my life nothing at all but she did not there is a photo let's say like sex mccartney
  • 10:46: lives with 1 nails heather milf but this photo you can see that the young and the icon and no longer beautiful but of course handsome and he was generally better woman world he is such a headline here he liked her and here it is minus she wrote him a story about how I said that children do not need to touch control let them go the school collects a portfolio and so on and she printed dined sheaf on the brushing the magazine of this magazine is a snob paper
  • 11:18: electronic version in electron much more readers and suddenly she calls me play Michael our story with you got more than one hundred thousand views likes and 8000 crawled repost and I understand that this is not my story and you are all story i there is just mentioned so a psychologist who told this story it's like literature do you understand kolobkov skit said that not need to check portfolios and in general
  • 11:48: take out the bridge in the morning that he ate like him brushed your teeth and show her legs you already and so on but she seems to be a woman so pretty conscientiously decided to say it our with you mikhail how would this be ours merit know that here I felt although not my merit and you are the story make it nice this is wild number of likes but the whole thing viewing as if can overrun 150 already food for the magazine a lot and i feel
  • 12:19: that even me who is kind of a man myself sure but nice to me too you know see I also have such a desire for someone to read it and like me that is, I accept people what I do not judge, I will give me the same thing on it was pleasant to what is long right on because those people who are all posting about their lives and your photos they are so your I raise my self-esteem I understand that we are all cool here looking here we are
  • 12:49: Bahamas rather on a yacht and in fact musat new car lies and for burst but There are people who strongly oppose all of these social networks why not spread need for everyone to see they sure imagine people get more than that the type of which has its own personal life full and he has no time for social networks he and TV for the same the reason is not even watching movies rarely walks because he has his own rich interesting life doing and when in
  • 13:20: life get emptiness then you immediately go social network you Immediately turn on the real and you all it becomes interesting why that you show another life make up for the absence of your life like this I think about this most of us are young people do not like to lay out but you do do you think that you are young? what I think people age too play around no I'm talking young people in male plan and young people hurried young just
  • 13:50: Foil is not a woman but all girls love don't know many patron 100 column 1 in Nishcha mirror and then she did not think whether such work should have seemed almost not humane such ugly song to so a girl without hands can not make selfies This song is not funny at all. maiden cynically yes yes here we see it girl but exactly this one guessed that this is a girlish story after all armless boys can be made namely girl you know i think women are in
  • 14:21: more of their assessment depends on approvals of others and when I work and 7 came your studio brother said michael tell you about these six rules yes You know, of course, I will say you will pass corrected but these want to say that a woman nevertheless even here you profess rule yes they are still more dependent from the opinions of others
  • 14:51: i so i tell the woman in order so that she raised her self-esteem that she must learn at least for bread go out mined stained but there are such you know, but absolutely now this is generally already below the plinth self-esteem where I generally all the whole not even myself self-esteem that's all built on how but did not look men look at street yes I understand that we have something do let's try but not to work at least if you just don't know the garbage let's throw away without lipstick madness
  • 15:23: cops and don't even comb my hair like that small steps but I understand that women do they talk at all with the patient that i don't think i had a man would say and you can go out in sweatpants and generally in shorts and in a t-shirt can it should be a psychologist walk so that he learns not look at yourself in the mirror of how he come out and with all my desire combine men and women look for that these are all people yes I'm still afraid of all this
  • 15:54: different little people that woman of course you speaking right more fixated on approving their especially the appearance of what is all these terms of instagram it is about how I look Of course, even the family dog ​​at arms she sets off there but actually I of course this is my my face my figure and so on I regret to see even among my own friends of many girls who are just this is turned and they just every day this is really a map because all the swords
  • 16:26: lays out then i'm sitting in that position the stool Now I lay on the table already addiction and I hear maybe so what's a fake next facebook ovsky what American psychiatrist and believes that this already like a mental disorder it's unnecessary laying out yourself here is this selfie and laying out these selfie In Instagram it when already to match down does not read something on the verge mental illness ie really dependence on and dependence on
  • 16:58: likes listen here I went with my daughter means and went with her husband some museum there as part of the Soviet childhood comes and took pictures also surf did so she calls get up moscow skin is already worth 86 likes Do zhenka we can't do this girls they went further dear viewers can remind you that you can join our conversation by pressing the green button on broadcast
  • 17:29: or there will be a video call or all to do call landline 49 and 918 43 78 we drove on And what are the pitfalls there is a choice partner of the alien what are the advantages that for one one of two language communication non-native first let's say so usually a woman goes for foreigners they man marry a foreigner understanding mistakes are the same in almost every country
  • 17:59: This is so that is in Russia in particular in Mostly calculation of course same woman woman his what we are now discussing with you to be transferred to another topic they all the same again here is different from men on pierre independently and independently and it's easier for them to adapt in a foreign country foreign language man is usually on it same different men harder to adapt in a foreign country to their foreign language
  • 18:31: because men are even less aware of them leading as a rule in family and in general in a partnership and on this it seems you imagine big complexity for women is simpler though less can i tell you what yo twenty back to me in consultation a woman came who married Athena you were feces and than dendi Finland is one of the most advanced countries in the world
  • 19:02: that is, in the relationship of equal rights of men and women in regards to democracy and in general many values ​​of such human democratic finland there is no score in the top five but all scandinavian let us different they are very loyal to all tolerant what country are you even so nobody wants to rule that they vote a everyone on the internet was passing who pleaded wants a president prime minister who
  • 19:32: want mayor governor come then there are people here so advanced so all of them ok I suddenly comes stone woman she lived outside in Moscow region and in the neighboring region from Moscow sobs and says michael you won't believe i the advanced country also determined the ladies marry athena and we are by Helsinki fly immediately Finnish the village where his mother leaves is count one same day watching me took out in winter
  • 20:06: it happened took out of the house boots the padded jacket gave me such a hand up and them yes firewood college literally bye the rotation immediately got her head fathers of blood talking about Finland and talking I would have it at all in the city device I them slaves never pricked us central heating as soon as I began to open my mouth and says that i'm a new one with you
  • 20:37: some kind of family these healing intercourse You know but it happens well it buckets understand yes this is a trestling stage Finland then here my husband cut out the details we already let's go home all work and she only a year later she was able to escape from the village but how to visit mom is not yet released Yes, and she is right in shock came some report makes my hands get divorced I'm big our fight to return there is also
  • 21:08: It happens even in advanced civilized countries are not so simple And just on the same topic question from Marousi i have been dating german four years we meet often come each other i love him well, I'm a specific person so I asked a year later how did he come to me considers whether thinks further develop relationship to which he replied that he I should think then he said he doesn't know friend i him and about or he loves me but let go does not want also says he is afraid
  • 21:38: make a mistake choosing a partner I love him and I want to be together we continued meet until I said that to us need to stay friends since i am I want to move forward and this relationship hang up he replied that he didn't want me lose therefore offer to live together the question is whether to agree and for how long you can wait for him to decide officially arrange a relationship I want to understand what he is wants you know how it's time to remind grid about these six rules and go to them this letter rule 1 do what you want rule 2 don't do what you don't want
  • 22:11: rule three immediately says something that is not like but since all the processions are all six I will say though they all have to do with not answering this letter when not asks answers only the question and figuring out the relationship is only talking about yourself now there are 6 of them at least three fits this situation and don't thinking what her boyfriend wants is German and no matter what he wants or he ready or he is not ready or we need think it is not her problem she must
  • 22:41: focus only on themselves, moreover, very simple i just don't like it still plans to build speculative cats maybe you know how to argue that everything is for me it is not like and insecurity in relationships and instability and he's not knows she loves or not but the box purposeful i want to have a family to me on love in general do not care, I have the target will sign the box specific yes therefore I want to understand myself
  • 23:13: for example , do you want to live well let's move live a place or We live together for half a year and then you don’t answering what's next I will take decide we all don't like it I like simpler things for me ok with him i live with him if me would like to date despite the fact that he wants to marry the day after tomorrow what are we now as a girl name marasya we are with Marusya we live in different value systems coordinates I would not want to rob my
  • 23:44: life without love living with a man because along with such comfort and psychologically and he satisfies my requests for example i I want to get married and he speaks it's good though I don't know about you treat but time you jump let's go get married he is some nonsense right that not so live is not nice with im not ok with him ok if, however , I want to have a family, he does not wants me sorry but we broke up because
  • 24:15: that I don't want to live the life that I do not like and even feel guys feeling yes I have some goals in life i want to have a family he's not something to give can't ways i'll keep you nice bright memories i will still fall in love with the colony and I'm even on it We ended a relationship with him here this to me closer psychologically, but here I am specifically and so but well he will say six months later we lived I am ready to marry further away from the joy of jumping don now
  • 24:47: you for what should happen now not is experiencing neither no feelings overt appear from somewhere how not to drench listen how from well they almost lose that's why when she said that I want to leave already he is not offered to live together we already ring well that is, you know, but it drags suffered just because so crook but then it turns out that it would not offer and since she wants to leave the plan suggested further expression of a suitcase without a handle
  • 25:17: throw a pity and it's uncomfortable to wear most sorry for him so sorry not braised loves you know but because she is with him there is and now he is taken away then killed okay, let's live together, but she told him will say matt I'm tired too I don't want being a mistress can be pitiful lose and when and get married 5 such long relationship four years on
  • 25:48: distance what I want of course people would always be able to take four years live together once they have from not happened i think that there is nothing we have an audio marsh let's call listen hello what is your name hello hello what is your name nita call we bring our hungry scared him well apparently call us back please well then we will go further
  • 26:20: Konstantin Nikolaevich from fatherlessness there is no point in contacting or years five tough therapy will solve problems fatherlessness has no direct relations shaping the child's psychology in who had no father more let us I will say have children whose father was better off he was not why he could mock children he is an alcoholic and a drug addict he fought all the time and the children were afraid
  • 26:52: Total and children but this attitude to the family to children until they themselves do not marry want when not children grow up by them And in another family father not was child was surrounded by the love and care of those people who were he grew up absolutely adequate normal person who wants to have a family because it is not for an incomplete family was she was so healthy so comfortable and correct that he
  • 27:22: grew up and completely normal person no matter man or woman Well, the last thing I want to say so the letter of the Russian Federation without single parent brought up 54 percent of children that is more than half so find which with a full family will be harder than those who are not from a full family think that similar figures in Europe just happens different stories happens when mom and dad place below here's my
  • 27:54: the father of life is present he is died it happens that I did not know that I was a child let 's get divorced Mom does not allow him to communicate offended by mom he did not happen what psychology is called with new transference and he is with the child now and offended by you does not want to communicate but also so on each the situation is different and the other is not here general idea that for some reason children without fathers need tough therapy
  • 28:24: not needed and not tough and in no hurry man filmed there is usually a problem there is yes here you can dumbfounded but all it happens when I went to the program with me TV was turned on and although these transfer do not heat the eye hooked this famous let them speak and they showed five sisters who parents were alcoholics father beat them they Were but they were not dressed they simply
  • 28:54: could on the street roll in the snow that is when is it small and as a result taken away from the family of the father and mother in orphanage and orphanage them all dismantled your sisters were taken to France one girl refused set or give because there is the secret of adoption and came but apparently women from the orphanage and I said I understand what you want to gather in the family and about 25 years old who more somewhere from 18 to 30 years
  • 29:26: let's say then in this they have one more sister all the fifth year I can not give you fifth sister because categorically against her adoptive parents she doesn't know that she is a foster child you know yes then have she now find out that there are sisters she will be happy but she will find out that this is not her own mom and dad in Russia is not adopted in all countries and in Russia there and here you are means from the orphanage yes all five
  • 29:56: but so which we do not know discuss nothing that the rest of 4 of them remain 2 have absolutely normal families one russian 1 french No 3 Frenchwoman I mean they have husbands and children and so and also from in Russia and those two who live in france lovely 7 natali orphanage up to 1 to Unfortunately it is very unfortunate accident I got no legs and even in January and
  • 30:27: arrived in a wheelchair, she is this one the you know what's up they are all from the orphanage yes but they are all differently psychologically adapted or not adapted to this life of someone earlier it was easier for him to adapt they are waiting for someone later at home in the skete habits present and so on therefore you You know, I wouldn’t be short for everyone 1 krasy says yes if you're from a child at home you have a hundred percent problem not a hundred percent
  • 30:58: it happens that most people have no problems there is a problem after their orphanage generally difficult and understanding or no representations of family life this is often when I can only about my work tell when people came to me with orphanage something like many of them could not live at home too they were not at home could not sit at the table to talk they went around to themselves they tried time stay alone and so on with them pathological desire to have a family and this is not psychologically possible
  • 31:28: have and of course helped adapt cleaned up these child psychotrauma and so further but most orphanages there are problems but not all that is many of this simply took arbitrary families showed on tv most of them have developed normally life that is they are fine and parent no alcoholic at all and all with husbands and all with children and children they love more then two children were in the studio here Russian girl and french they were absolutely
  • 31:58: normal children came running to moms steel hug them kissed there it's yours should not go hydra 20 years and not see here is a kiss that's yours aunt he and kissing of any race no problem paul working with a girl in one department she is pretty and very me the initiative comes from her I slow down the process of saying I can not imagine how you can wake up together under their amnesty to work together work follow
  • 32:29: adjacent tables I'm in place I work for a long time she recently had a team we have a small all in the mind to move I don’t want another thing get to divide work and personal a life and whether it is necessary to share what your opinion in this regard to be separated and it is necessary but who he led was written to me by another relationship problem is afraid of sof sole of this does not hide and the reason is equal but he avoids the relationship why is he afraid another question if she is a friend fee
  • 32:59: department may be prices gotti if she really was n't fell in love with him deeply spit and this I think that on one side of the scales love another job he chooses a job then it raises questions you do not makes me no longer hard to carry hard to pour together to go to work constantly no listened together yet once at work and not even the only worked mide right well agree then there is if it was about any in this
  • 33:29: moment then go to different jobs I work in one place for example she doesn't want to come another thing crossed but what we see is motivation up or relationships for worked chooses work can not be separated such things ask but no matter how well he wants to listen and what I say is worth something change something like you do not understand if would be white he wouldn't ask no but he and says that she works recently
  • 34:01: initiative from her from yes well this is the same we understand love conquer that I somehow well of course but he is still an expensive job so the question this idle build is not worth sharing divide listen there are people who are engaged sports together and live together all life for example then skaters paired here recently showed someone Protopopova gallows it in my or this baklava line Gorshkov Lyudmila Pakhomova gives sandugash by u lived for 80 years
  • 34:31: redeemed progress 60 together swiss living together skated not just together worked and paired to that sailed with them kept dead punch friend physically then there is not at the next table but here that's all right individually it's like this very page easy couple yes here it will walk back and forth every day here's another question for me always attracts men and with whom
  • 35:05: impossible to build healthy harmonious relationship is married guys or bad guys who are not very love me based on your transmission I realized that this is due to lack of father as a child how to break this vicious circle and pay attention to good guys how can you change your sexual preference to choose a partner good question look it already exists yes such a problem can someone write elena can elena change her choice of course it can but the problem is that or
  • 35:37: trouble she is still old and she is not reacts to new people who love that is, her sexual attraction is tough due to the fact that she should not ignore because there was no father but things were not going It was father Well, there was no father, but from him it happened yes she likes these guys like that which and which it is not interesting and the most difficult in the work of a psychologist yes it is libido
  • 36:07: change ie head i understand yes that I want to communicate with those who are me loves but I don’t feel attracted to them strand on the head with them will communicate and other parts of the body and everything is silent there nobody wants anything like this six about which i said when a man it starts to live on it all very difficult experience I often hear this rule the case of the report does not work me no people even close to the site what is live by it
  • 36:38: the rules somehow I will tell you the transfer to this difficult moment in life and Zucchini really lives on them understands that this is a different psychology what happens when you start living by these rules your psychology changes for you reflex arc developed with childhood already passed country eagerly systems of neurons yes she collapses because you lead differently and on a place like i love happens grows new the horns are fresh and then you have libido
  • 37:08: starts to change and you starts Sexually like those guys who like you good guys good who loves you but it takes a long time why not head works because for libido for love to sexual attraction for emotions can somehow with to negotiate it does not work because this rational sphere I have in view of the idea that the guy owes me
  • 37:38: love to be beautiful with blue eyes blond height meter ninety at least broad-shouldered smart caring understanding then this is the head of meaning no thoughts can be with the head throw out and here's the body that's the emotions of the libido react better to each other my type of people who don't call me even after sex that's it but i'm catchy and now i want it him who never me
  • 38:08: will generally be married and I will be with meet him god forbid there 1 month on To solve this problem you need to change psyche inside then I will attract good that's all guys Well, the last question for today is with us ales I am a young girl in search his men set up to serious regarding the creation of a family soon I am a very logical person with a powerful analytical mindset with this there are difficulties in the first manifestations
  • 38:38: emotions and femininity second in communicating with the opposite sex when I meet a man with me instantly running on water given what education is complete or not family and here is achievement according to age and withdrawal most cases I do this man alone does not suit me looking further as to change the approach as turn off the head and turn on the heart feels like i just don't let it show men class on the last lecture with Man faces two mathematics one says michael hello i
  • 39:09: mathematician and tell both the rationalize my love how can I and generally articulate so that I clearly understood what I feel for what I am I feel that it saves a person so on what I told him to say said what is our name girl Olesya I will say about summer nifiga this is not rationalization and not powerful brain it unrealistic and fears express your emotions loving someone is depression of emotions
  • 39:39: because when a person is superfluous rational yes let him all try rationalize my psychologists are well aware that boyfriend or girlfriend problems anxiety is very big fears or that so that he should be everything control here it is this and i'm all I try to solve the brain that is trying of control emotions that is i control my emotions our immense fears them
  • 40:09: express among other things there is a very a lot of people whose emotions were picked up in early childhood and they techno you generally develop yes it is big work all i can say is these six rules that I said at the beginning program repeated and please when will watch program and her computer can revise endlessly look these six rules to memorize them and try to live on them then you stop being afraid and you really there will be some emotions that lords
  • 40:41: chances of you being cold to parents for example yes and they did not allow to develop your emotions still in childhood but better late than never Now they will appear [music] and